God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
