What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
