You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
