we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
