i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
