I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
