just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
