I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
