Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
A+ Viking dick
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
