glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
