Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
