Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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