If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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