does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You know, be my cock's hype man.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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