??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
