my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
