I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
