Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I looked at my own cervix.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
