jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
