So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
