I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well I just put wine in my tea
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
