one two three fourrrrnication!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
