there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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