Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
