I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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