dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize