I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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