I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
