i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
