Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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