life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
