Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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