i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
