nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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