One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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