Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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