This girl is more easily done than said...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
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