ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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