Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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