Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry TXassHawtie hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(864): View more from South Carolina

sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him

Fav 66 2924 4600
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships

Fav 28 1076 4478
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(423): View more from Tennessee

I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.

Fav 6 1735 855
share tweet
(501): View more from Arkansas

Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?

Fav 11 1882 1069
share tweet
(419): View more from Ohio

Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.

Fav 14 1849 971
share tweet
(619): View more from California

Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it

Fav 5 1338 802
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(252): View more from North Carolina

At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.

Fav 6 1579 933
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(907): View more from Alaska

Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!

Fav 0 13 17
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.

Fav 0 73 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT