Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
