So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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