This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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