Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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