I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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