In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face