Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.