i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I wish there were birth control emojis
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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