she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
