You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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