sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
