I want to walk on stilts...naked
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
