I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
