I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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