She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
