some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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