Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize