i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
