history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
