my being single is dangerous.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
