she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
