That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
