i don't like sucking hair
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize