I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Who died my cat blue again?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
