the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
