ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
