Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
