3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
