so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
