i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
